


and he laughs, loud and bitter

by whaleandjanuary



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Background Mercedes/Dedue, Bottom Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Collars, Dom Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Dom/sub Play, Impact Play, M/M, Oral Sex, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sad Ending, Sub Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Tempest King Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Tickling, Top Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Unrecruited CF!Felix, spoilers for Crimson Flower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:54:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29610411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whaleandjanuary/pseuds/whaleandjanuary
Summary: In the morning, Felix rides for Arianrhod, to join Ingrid and his father in defending the fortress against the potential advance of the Adrestian army.But tonight is for himself, and his lover. He won't leave Dimitri worrying. They both need this.For Dimilix Week 2021, free day
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30
Collections: 2021 Dimilix Week





	and he laughs, loud and bitter

**Author's Note:**

> me: Dimitri and Felix are definitely soulmates  
> also me: [this bs]
> 
> The first tag on this is Sad Ending, because it's Crimson Flower and we all know how that goes. I did want to note that the final section, marked with three hashes (###) instead of one (#) is a POV switch to Dimitri after the fight at Arianrhod. If you skip that section, it ends on a little more of a bittersweet note and less "everything is terrible forever." 
> 
> This ended up not really fitting into any of the Dimilix Week prompts as well as I wanted it to, so I've put it on the free day. If it did have a prompt, it would be "tears," or maybe "laughter."

The sight that greeted Felix when he entered the king's chambers was expected, but his heart still dropped to see it. Dimitri was slumped in a chair facing the fireplace, one arm out of his shirt, staring blankly into the flames. 

Felix shook his head. Why hadn't Dimitri called for him? Nevermind; probably some sort of foolish desire not to _trouble_ him. As if... as if Felix wouldn't want to see him before he went. Tch. 

"Dimitri. Dimitri, look at me." Dimitri turned to him. His eyes were wet. 

"Felix, what do we - Felix, I - Felix, - I don't know -" Dimitri rapidly started and broke off several sentences. He held out a hand, dropped it, pushed it through his hair instead. "... help." 

Felix sighed inwardly. This wasn't quite what he'd hoped for tonight, but he'd be damned if he'd let his lover spiral off into the void like this. He spoke calmly but firmly. 

"Stand. Finish undressing yourself. Get your collar and leash and return to my feet." 

Dimitri looked up at him for a moment. Then he closed his mouth, stood, and went to follow Felix's directions. 

Felix took Dimitri's seat, which was warm from Dimitri's body. Oh, he'd be missing this heat for the next several weeks. He listened to the pop of the fire and the rustling of Dimitri behind him, and thought about the best plan for tonight. 

Dimitri needed reassurance. So did Felix, but he could wait till Dimitri was calm. 

Dimitri returned, naked, and knelt at Felix's feet. He held up the leash and collar, both dark blue leather made soft from use. His eyes were wide and pleading, his lips twitching slightly with stress. 

Felix silently counted to ten, then said: "Do you trust me?"

Dimitri immediately lost some of the tension in his shoulders. He said with a sigh, "With my life and heart, to see clearly when I cannot." Felix hated ceremony, but this was a ritual he couldn't ignore. Dimitri needed it and, well, it couldn't always be about what Felix wanted. 

Felix buckled the collar around Dimitri's neck and attached the leash to the ring at the front. Dimitri stared at Felix, eyes shining and hopeful. Felix put his hand through the loop at the end of the leash. 

Then he sat forward in the chair, spread his legs, and patted his thigh. Dimitri crawled forward a step and rested his cheek against Felix's leg. Dimitri closed his eyes as Felix brushed his fingers through his hair. 

Dimitri still wasn't calm, though. He kept opening and closing his hands, shifting his weight back and forth on his knees. 

"Talk to me," Felix said. 

"How was your day, Beloved?" asked Dimitri. "Did training the squires go well?"

Felix pulled sharply at the leash, causing Dimitri to stop and look up. Felix glared at him.

"I don't have it in me tonight for you to be a brat. If you need pain, say it. Otherwise _you know what I meant._ " 

Dimitri dropped his gaze and said, quietly, "I'm frightened." Felix waited till he continued, slowly. "I give speeches to our soldiers about our strength and valor. I sit in meetings and reassure petty nobles that we have the resources we need. I listen to the Archbishop give services and tell us that our cause is just and we have the Goddess on our side, and I know that at least one of those things is definitely a lie.

"I can barely hear over the screaming in my head. 

"Felix, I know you cannot tell me everything will be all right. But I need something else to think about for a while." 

"So you do want me to hit you," Felix said. 

"Please, Beloved. Hit me, use me, something. I'd ask you to beat me till I couldn't walk if I believed you'd do it. I need the screaming to be outside of my head tonight." 

Felix shook his head. "You are so dramatic. Fine, though." He stood. "Attend to me while I think on what I'd like to do."

This was another little ritual they did sometimes, Dimitri slowly peeling Felix out of his clothing and kissing all of his scars. Felix knew it calmed him to do something deliberate and physical like this. It frequently made Felix antsy, but he told himself _Yes, I deserve this_ until he believed it. 

"It is frightening, Dimitri. That's the honest answer. We held them at a standstill for five years, and then Eisner returns and they melt the Alliance like they're nothing? Were they always holding back or is he that good?" 

Dimitri was on his knees again, tugging Felix's trousers down. "I suppose we're going to find out very soon." 

"The imperial army's going to find it's not so easy to fight in Faerghus. Will you be angry if I slay the Emperor before you get a chance to?" 

Dimitri actually laughed. "Bold talk, Felix. But... no." His expression darkened. "As long as she and her vile allies are no more, I care not about the mechanism." 

They were skirting the edge of a dangerous subject if the plan was to calm dimitri down. "I'll do it. Ingrid and I, and my father - we'll stop them. The Professor can learn that I haven't been at a standstill the last five years." 

Dimitri slumped and looked down at the floor. "... What if Sylvain's there?" 

_No._ "Look at me. Open your mouth." Dimitri hurried to pull himself up on his knees, mouth open, tongue slightly out. "Good." Felix was only half-hard but Dimitri could fix that and the important thing was shutting him up before he could depress himself any further. Felix put his hand on the back of Dimitri's head and pulled him forward until the tip of his tongue was just barely touching Felix's dick. "Well?" 

Dimitri eagerly took him in and started sucking. "Good. I know you can't function if you don't get a dick at least every twelve hours, so you'd better make this count." Dimitri whined, but didn't stop. No, of course not, because what he needed was for somebody to treat him like a plaything and not a person, so he could go out and face the world again in the morning. 

Felix really hoped he'd be ok while they were separated. 

Dimitri was good - he was always good, but his desperation made this _intense_. Felix hadn't planned to go for more than a minute, but oh, by the Goddess he needed it too. He pulled Dimitri closer until his lips were pressed against Felix's body. Dimitri made some choked moaning noises but didn't attempt to pull away. If anything he worked harder at pleasuring him.

Felix yanked Dimitri's head back, and then thrust forward into Dimitri's wet, eager mouth. Dimitri's eyes were half-closed, little slivers of blue barely visible. He groaned around Felix's cock. 

Felix spoke, short choppy sentences burst out between thrusts. "I won't slow for our enemies. I'll cut them in half. Anybody. Teachers. Old friends. I'll bring you their heads." Dimitri was moaning loudly. "I won't die. We won't lose. I'll retreat if I have to. My blade's true. So am I." 

Felix was starting to lose his balance, but Dimitri brought up his hands to support him. Talking was too hard now. Felix's hips jerked unevenly and he closed his eyes and panted until he spilled down Dimitri's throat. 

Once he felt stable again, he patted Dimitri's cheek. His mouth was still gently closed around Felix's cock. His eyes were shut in bliss. Felix allowed him to remain there for a minute, then took his leash in hand and slowly pulled on it until he opened his eyes and let Felix go. 

"Shut up," Felix said, before Dimitri could say _thank you_. "Go to the bed. Lay down on your stomach. You may _not_ get off." Dimitri's cock lay hard and intimidating on one thigh, a slow trickle of fluid dripping down. 

Dimitri nodded, then got to his feet and walked towards the bed. Felix sank into the chair briefly to catch his breath, then went to the closet to rummage for supplies.

#

Felix returned a few minutes later, arms loaded up with _options_.

"Hips up," he said, and pushed a cloth under Dimitri. "I don't want you leaking all over the sheets I'm going to sleep on." 

Dimitri quirked an eyebrow as Felix laid various supplies out at the foot of the bed. "Oh, so you're spending the night, then?" 

Felix frowned and crossed his arms. Dimitri gave him a fond smile. 

"Do you want me to bind your hands or your mouth?" Felix asked. 

"Both," Dimitri said immediately. 

"Dimitri," Felix warned. 

Dimitri laid his head on one arm, looked up at Felix, and said plaintively, "You can see what a wretch I have become. Surely this once you can -"

"Who is wearing the collar, Dimitri?"

Dimitri let out his breath, seemed to sink into the bed, and quietly said, "Hands please."

Not a great sign - Dimitri trying to goad Felix into removing his ability to say _no_ meant his insides really were a discordant mess. Heavier tools then. 

Felix took a pair of metal cuffs. They were sturdy but comfortable enough, leather-padded and fur-lined. They'd been enchanted to suppress the wearer's Crest, and were frequently a necessity if they were doing anything athletic. After the broken ankle incident, and the broken arm incident, and the other broken ankle incident, several things had been repurposed from the royal dungeon to the royal bedroom. 

(Also, Dimitri had started learning Faith magic, because trying to find a healer in the middle of the night to deal with your sex injuries was absolutely mortifying. Even if it was a problem that had likely plagued every generation of Blaiddyds.)

Felix put one cuff on Dimitri, threaded the chain through a metal ring set in the wall (they had known better than to even try the headboard) and put on the other. This gave Dimitri a bit of room to move, and Felix could alter how much by how far down the bed he set up.

Dimitri pulled at his restraints, as always, reassuring himself that they would hold. He closed his eyes and took a slow breath in and out. Then he wrapped the chain around one hand, rubbing his thumb over the links. He looked, if not completely content, at least somewhat calmer. 

"Here. Open your mouth." Dimitri looked up at Felix with eager surprise, then down at the bit gag in his hand. He opened his mouth, and his eyelids fluttered as Felix pushed it in.

"Don't get all excited," said Felix. "I'm not tying it. I just ... know you like to have something in your mouth."

Dimitri mumbled a quiet thank you into the gag and put his head back down. He was quite appealing laid out in this fashion, bound and ready for whatever Felix wanted to do. Trembling slightly with anticipation for whatever Felix wanted to do. 

Felix looked at the remaining toys. Where to start? A flogger to warm up. Not the one with the twisted tips. It'd be too sharp; he shouldn't have brought it over in the first place. Just the plain one. 

Felix started light, little slaps on Dimitri's ass cheeks, down his thighs, one strike below the shoulder to keep him awake. (Dimitri _had_ fallen asleep like this before, and while something about this being Dimitri's place of safety and relaxation was terribly amusing, Felix really did want to have sex tonight.)

Dimitri murmured something incomprehensible into his gag. Probably complaining that Felix wasn't going hard enough. "This is to warm up my arm as much as your body, you know," Felix said, sharply. But he gave Dimitri a solid hit then, and Dimitri's satisfied groan melted Felix's annoyance a little. Fine fine, he could move on. 

Harder strikes then. Felix covered Dimitri in blows, and the sight of Dimitri's skin growing pink and warm was its own reward.

"Dimitri. Why are we doing this?" Felix asked. It was a real question, not the sort of sighed "Why are we doing this?" that indicated a foolish endeavor one has pursued anyway. 

Dimitri dropped the gag and said, sorrowfully, "Because I am a monster, and until the war is over and I can be properly punished for my sins, this is how we must make do -"

Felix grabbed Dimitri's collar and tugged on it. "Try again."

"Because I am a beast and I deserve no better, because I am broken and kindness cannot please me, bec-" 

Felix dropped the flogger and dug his fingertips into Dimitri's side, tickling him. Dimitri _hated_ being tickled. It was exactly the wrong kind of touch for him, and thus one of the best actual punishments Felix had available. 

"Aaaah _Felix_! Aaah -" Dimitri jerked away, now seriously pulling on the chain attaching him to the wall. Felix put his arms around Dimitri so he could use both hands - light, torturous scratching of his nails over Dimitri's stomach. Dimitri yelled and tried to buck him off, but Felix was well-matched to human-strength Dimitri. 

"Felix, _please_ , I can't -" Dimitri shook with helpless laughter. He was half off the bed now, tears leaking from his eyes, trying desperately and futilely to stop Felix's assault on his midsection. "Why are you tormenting me?!" 

At this, Felix stopped. He took the leash again, pulled Dimitri's head back, and said close in his ear, "Because I get off on it. See how easy it is to be honest?" 

Dimitri made an unhappy noise. "I don't know why I want it. I need it. It makes me feel better. It makes my skin stop feeling like it doesn't fit." 

Felix helped push Dimitri back up onto the bed, back onto his hands and knees. "I didn't need a more complicated answer than that." 

Dimitri was quiet for a moment, as Felix brushed his fingers through Dimitri's hair and looked over his implements. "... Felix. I _want_ you to treat me cruelly."

Felix shook his head, and picked up a leather-wrapped paddle. Solid, something that would leave deep bruises Dimitri would happily sleep with. "I will beat you till you dread to sit, but I don't have it in me for talk of monsters, tonight." He rubbed the back of Dimitri's neck, over the collar. "I'll take care of you, though. I promise." 

He felt Dimitri relax under his hand. There. He'd had his little fight and been rebuffed, and now he could settle down, assured Felix wouldn't let him lose himself. _Oh, Dimitri. Take care of yourself while I'm gone._

Felix struck him then, and Dimitri sighed softly at the thump of leather against his skin. 

It had been a hard road to that promise, but Felix would keep it.

#

It took three good hits for Dimitri to grow hard again and stay hard, flushed and twitching. He groaned and sighed, asked Felix to find the bit again, moaned through clenched teeth.

Felix worked to a steady rhythm, fast and brutal. Dimitri's pale skin bloomed under his efforts. He'd be a mess of angry bruises, just like they both wanted. Felix watched Dimitri tense and struggle, sometimes flinching away but always returning to Felix's touch. Felix refused to strike unless Dimitri came as far down the bed as the chain would comfortably allow, so that he _could_ get away and had to choose not to. 

(Not that it was likely for Dimitri to try to flee. When Felix paused to rest his arm a minute, Dimitri whined and pushed his ass back, shaking in a way that maybe was supposed to be tantalizing but came across as needy and desperate. Which, Felix considered, meant it actually was tantalizing.)

Felix quietly told Dimitri that he was doing a good job, that Felix was pleased. Dimitri closed his eyes tightly and whimpered, but he didn't actually drop the gag and vocalize a _no_ , so Felix let him struggle against the praise and kept hitting him. 

"You want me to call you a monster. But I've seen you learn to ask for what you need, to share your troubles. You're exactly as much a monster as the rest of us." Felix dropped his voice. "You know I wouldn't serve the boar."

Dimitri spat the gag out, gasping, face tear-streaked and chin covered in drool, and choked out, "Please may I come? Please, Felix, please." 

Felix let out a huff that was not quite a laugh. "Yes, all right." Felix reached down to stroke Dimitri and gave him a particularly vicious smack with the paddle. Not that Dimitri couldn't get off just from a good beating, but Felix didn't feel like making him work for it. 

Dimitri clearly had been holding back, because he came almost immediately. Felix jerked him through it, basking in Dimitri's unselfconscious noises and the feel of his cock as he twitched and pulsed. Felix milked him of every drop, and threw a few more strikes onto his thighs for good measure. It was good to give this to Dimitri, a point of pride to Felix that he could do this for _and to_ his king (his lover, his love - _Don't, don't think about what you can't have._ )

Dimitri sank into the bed, spent. He rolled onto his side and looked up at Felix, his breathing hard but slowing. His eyes were slightly unfocused, but he had a lopsided smile and a look of fondness. 

Felix pushed Dimitri's hair out of his eyes, wiped his face, then picked up the leash again and pulled gently, just enough for Dimitri to feel the pressure on the collar. "I'm glad you waited to ask permission. You took everything I could do to you and you still waited. I'm very pleased." 

Dimitri's eyes shone, blue and bright and wide. "Thank you, Beloved." 

_Oh, don't melt, you idiot,_ thought Felix. He was _not_ blushing. _You have more to do._

#

Felix climbed into the bed and kissed him. Fine, he was becoming a hopeless sap as he aged. But he - but Felix _liked_ kissing Dimitri like this, loose and content to let Felix explore his mouth. Not - not fretting about whether he should be doing something different or trying to please Felix or - ugh. Just getting to be. Dimitri didn't relax if you didn't make him.

Dimitri's mouth was soft, and warm, and Felix had a brief thought of untying him and just passing out in his arms. But no, he needed tonight to be memorable, something for Dimitri to carry with him when Felix was gone. 

Felix broke the kiss, reluctantly, and put his arms around Dimitri so he could pull him closer to the headboard. "Are your wrists all right?" he asked. 

Dimitri bent his wrists back and forth with a little tinkle of silver and nodded. 

"Good." Felix kissed him on the lips again. "Lay on your stomach and relax." 

Dimitri rolled over as Felix let go to peruse his toys, although he knew what he was looking for. Oil, unscented but enchanted to always be warm. (The original bottle had been gifted by Mercedes after ... one of the bone incidents, though it had been refilled many times since.) 

Felix looked Dimitri over. His eyes were closed, and he'd spread his legs. Hmph. Well, fine, so he'd anticipated that Felix wasn't just going to rub some salve on his ass and call it a night. Felix might like the element of surprise but he wasn't going to change his plan now. 

Felix shook his arm out. Maybe he'd use his shield arm for this. It was nearly as strong as his right arm, and this way he could rest. And the slightly worse dexterity might make for an interesting sensation. 

Felix dripped a little oil between Dimitri's cheeks, and smirked to hear a sharp intake of breath. He poured more over his fingers, and started rubbing his thumb around Dimitri's hole. 

Felix took his time opening Dimitri up. This was not the Felix way. The Felix way was hard and fast, or sometimes telling Dimitri _I'm fine I'm fine put your dick in me I'm open enough dammit_. But he forced himself to take it slow, to make sure Dimitri felt appreciated. Maybe even _pampered_ , though Felix would never use the word out loud. 

By the time Felix pushed a finger _in_ instead of _around_ , there wasn't the slightest resistance, like all of Dimitri was hoping for this touch. Felix told himself he was adding a second finger because it was an easier position for his hand and not because he was impatient to get to the good part. No, no, it was all _the good part_. Dimitri was squirming now, and Felix smiled in amusement. Maybe it was a little overstimulating, but Dimitri didn't tell him to stop, or try to pull away, or even look _back_ at Felix. So Felix thought it was all right. 

What Dimitri did, after another minute, was lift his head to say, "More," which gave Felix the resolve to continue his slow movements exactly as he was. He wondered if Dimitri would notice to say "Please," but he didn't. He tried to wriggle his hips, so Felix put his free hand firmly on Dimitri's ass and he hissed in pain. Then he lowered his head, quietly whined, and was still. 

"Good," said Felix. "I'm glad you understand." 

Eventually Felix progressed to lazy thrusting, two fingers in and out of Dimitri's hole. He occasionally curled his fingers to rub against his prostate, which pulled a soft moan out of Dimitri every time he did it. He wondered if Dimitri was hard again, not that it was going to change anything Felix was doing. 

( _Felix_ was hard again, and he periodically ground his palm against his dick for a little bit of relief, but he was trying to wait. He was going to wait. He was a master of self-control in all non-Dimitri-related domains; he could have some self-control here.) 

"Dimitri," Felix said, "are you going to touch yourself while I'm away?" 

Dimitri picked his head up and made a wordless noise of confusion. 

Felix pressed his fingers into Dimitri's prostate, slowly dragging in and out. "I said, are you going to touch yourself while I'm away?"

Dimitri gasped, shook his head like he was trying to dredge up the power to speak, "No. No, of course not. I'll wait for you." 

"No!" Felix slapped him right on his bruised ass and Dimitri cried out. "Wrong answer." 

"What? Why - what?" 

Felix made something like a growling noise in his throat. "You need to take care of yourself. Once a day. More if you want. Think of me. If you wish. But I don't want to come back and hear you've not slept in three weeks and you've been ... losing arguments with your father."

"Oh ... I see. Yes, Felix. I will." 

"Good. I'm glad D - Dimitri," Felix said, stuttering suddenly over his name. He gave Dimitri a light swat on the butt. Making him _feel_ things, hmph. 

After a short pause, Dimitri said, "What if I - what if I need -" and then, whispered, "What if I need someone to hit me?" 

Felix sighed and thought a minute. "Ask Dedue. If you need it, ask Dedue. I won't be mad. Whatever you need." 

Dimitri chuckled. "I feel as though Mercedes would have words about that." 

"Yes, she'd say 'Why didn't you invite me?'" Dimitri had married Dedue and Mercedes three months earlier, quietly, a small party with close friends. It had been a bright spot in this endless war. 

"Thank you though, Felix. I hope I won't need it but if I do I'll ask Dedue."

#

Felix and Dedue were never going to be great friends, but he had learned to respect him. To understand that he couldn't be everything for Dimitri and to appreciate that their bond wasn't a threat to him. He knew there were things Dimitri shared with Dedue and not Felix, but ... he'd come to accept it.

Felix had had that sort of friendship with Sylvain, once. There was even a time, in the early stages of the war, when he'd thought he and Sylvain could still patch things up. When he still thought Sylvain would come back and fight on the side of his friends. 

But no, Sylvain was apparently willing to burn everything down to stand by his professor's side. He couldn't understand it. 

Wouldn't ... wouldn't Felix have done the same, though? Felix had gone to Professor Byleth, back before there was any inkling of war, and said, "Let me join your class. I know I could learn so much from you." _Help me get away from the boar._

If Byleth had said yes, would Felix be in the monastery right now? Cheerfully preparing to destroy the Kingdom? Training with Sylvain? Watching Ashe and Annette bake pastries they knew he wouldn't eat?

Stupid. This was a stupid time to be thinking about lost friends.

#

"Felix?" Dimitri said, popping the bubble of Felix's thoughts.

Felix realized he'd slowed down his movements considerably while his mind wandered. He added a third finger (again, effortless, Dimitri's body begging for more) and said, "Wasn't enough for you, hm?" 

"Felix, I'm ..." Dimitri shifted his hips. "I'm ready. I'm ready for you. Please." 

"You need to work on your patience," Felix said. 

"You're a cruel master," Dimitri replied, but he was silent again except for the occasional moan.

#

And Felix hadn't just _lost_ people, anyway. He'd gained things as well. Nothing could separate the ones who remained. Would he have ever grown so close to Ingrid? Would he have learned to talk and ... listen? To come to the common ground that they were both still grieving and grow a new friendship on top of that?

And what about Dimitri? They couldn't possibly have built this. Felix looked down at Dimitri, warm and trembling under Felix's touch, whining, grinding his hips into the bed, kicking one of his feet. Felix could cry for joy at the sight. Dimitri needed it, but so did Felix. 

Here was Dimitri at last, finally, _finally_ trusting Felix to care for him. Telling Felix about the burning and the scars and the screaming of ghosts, about all the ways Dimitri's mind and body had never healed. Maybe Felix didn't always know the way out but at least now Felix could offer a hand and Dimitri would take it. 

Would it have happened without the Professor's rejection? Felix had told Dimitri the truth three years ago. Their friendship awkwardly rekindled, Dimitri tried to _thank_ Felix for standing by him and Felix just ... couldn't take it all of a sudden. The words tumbled out that he'd tried to leave but Eisner wouldn't take him and he was happy now that it had worked out this way but he had _not_ been the companion that Dimitri needed. 

That messy night was the first time they'd kissed.

#

Felix lifted Dimitri's hips up so he could no longer grind against the bed. He also changed the movement of his fingers - faster, more focused. This made Dimitri progress through a variety of luscious pleas - please take me, please more fingers, harder, please untie me, please please I need you, _more_.  
Now, he had lapsed back into wordless panting. Whatever he was going to get, he'd have to wait till Felix chose to give it.

But Felix was in truth quietly dying of desperation himself and so he picked up the little bottle of oil and pulled out the stopper with his teeth. This was terrible positioning but he didn't want to pull his hand out and let Dimitri know it was finally time. He managed to slick himself up without causing a terrible mess, at least. 

This was Felix's favorite part. It always sent a thrill up his spine. He loved it. 

"Do you want me, Dimitri?" he said, slowly, teasingly.

Dimitri's voice was hoarse, his eyes wild, as he said "Yes, Felix, _please_." 

"Are you desperate for me?" 

"Yes, yes! I need you inside of me _I'm aching_. Please. I want to feel you." 

"Are you _miiiiiine_?" Felix's smile was wicked. 

A chant, a ritual: "Of course. Of course. Forever, and tonight." 

"You're a hopeless romantic." Felix scratched his nails up Dimitri's battered thigh, and Dimitri moaned in a mix of pleasure and pain. "But yes," Felix said, a possessive, wild edge to his voice, "you are _mine_." 

Felix pulled his fingers from Dimitri suddenly enough that he looked back in shock. But Felix was already lining himself up, pushing the head of his cock past Dimitri's stretched rim. Felix exhaled quietly and snapped his hips forward. Once he had bottomed out, he closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and just ... felt. Dimitri's body was hot, and despite all the attention Felix had just paid him, he was tight around Felix. As if they were made for each other. And ... not that Felix was ever one for romance, but it was true, wasn't it? 

"Come when you can," said Felix. He started to thrust, at a pace picked for his own pleasure. He'd watched Dimitri shake and whine under his fingers until he could hardly breathe himself, and now all he wanted was to claim him and fill him up. "You don't need to - you don't need to ask." Talking already seemed not worth the effort, but Dimitri didn't deserve to wait. 

Felix folded himself over Dimitri and raked his nails down Dimitri's back, leaving five red lines from shoulder to hip. Dimitri hissed an ecstatic "yes" and Felix growled in response. _Mine._

(Dimitri was not a monster, but maybe in the end they were both beasts.)

Felix was already growing unfocused, movements uneven. He bit Dimitri, licked the sweat from his back, worried marks into his skin. And Dimitri gasped "more" and Felix slapped him on the ass and pounded him as hard as he could. He tried to hold himself back from coming. He had to - had to give Dimitri what he needed. 

There was a metallic rattling - Dimitri pulling on the chains - and Dimitri said, "Felix, I'm close. I can't reach, please -"

_There. I'll take care of you. Mine._ Felix slid his hand around Dimitri's slender waist until he found his cock. The positioning was awkward but Dimitri was on the edge of coming. And Felix would have done it regardless; this was what it meant to be on the other side of Dimitri's leash - to take care of him, to not leave him wanting unless that was the game. To help him reassemble once he was sated and to get him to bed. 

_To love him_ , via action even if Felix struggled to say those exact words. 

Dimitri came moaning Felix's name, which wrecked any hope Felix had of maintaining his grip on his own release. It was almost blinding in its intensity. Felix moaned, wordless, helpless, as it broke over him. He rocked his body into Dimitri's until they were both done, until Felix could take no more sensation and had to pull out. He sat back on his heels, panting, dazed. 

After ... a time, a short time he hoped, he heard Dimitri say, "Felix?" Felix blinked several times and shook his head. Dimitri was on his back, and had moved away from the headboard as much as possible. He was ... oh, Dimitri was putting his legs around Felix's waist to try to draw him closer. 

Felix patted Dimitri's hip and crawled up the bed to free Dimitri's arms. "Are you wrists all right?" Felix asked. He tried to sound casual but his face was burning and Dimitri must know how mortified he was at drifting off like that. 

Dimitri rubbed his wrists once they were free of the cuffs. "Yes, I'm fine. Come here. Are _you_ all right?" 

"Of course," Felix said, too quickly. "Let me get some salve, for your legs." 

But the cuffs were off, which meant that Dimitri's full strength was back, which meant that when he put his arms around Felix and pulled him close, Felix wasn't going anywhere. 

"Unhand me! I have to -"

"Shhhhhhh," said Dimitri. "We have all night. Let me hold you a minute." 

Felix was too hazy from orgasm to pretend he didn't want this, and he curled up against Dimitri's chest.

Fine, maybe sometimes he needed putting back together too.

#

Later, after some dozing, and the inevitable sudden realization that they were _cold_ , and some quick washing, and, yes, the salve, they returned to bed and each other's arms.

Felix yawned and said, "It's funny. I was going to ask you to tie _me_ up tonight." 

"Oh," said Dimitri, frowning. "I -"

Felix put a finger over Dimitri's lips. "If you're about to apologize, save your breath. This is what you needed and I was happy to give it." 

Dimitri's expression cleared, and he gently rubbed his thumb along the line of Felix's jaw. "Well, there might be time in the morning, depending on how early we wake." 

"We're going to sleep like rocks. Also I'd intended to ride you, which would put me in a poor state for getting on a horse." 

Dimitri kissed Felix, gently. "I could heal you after, so you weren't sore." 

Felix just scoffed, although Dimitri was right. 

Dimitri pushed a lock of Felix's hair behind his ear. "I don't deserve you." 

Now Felix frowned. "Deserving isn't - this isn't about - hm." 

Felix slipped out of the bed and went to his pile of clothes. He searched through the pockets... there. He hadn't been sure if he was going to use these, but now he was certain it was the best way to show Dimitri that _deserving_ didn't matter and _I love you_ did. 

Felix returned to Dimitri and held up the objects in his hands - a small lock, and a key on a chain. "Lean your head forward."

"Ohhh," said Dimitri, tilting his head down, holding his hair up off his neck. The collar had been crafted to lock, but why would they - there had never been a reason to. But now Dimitri's breath hitched as the lock clicked shut. 

"Up," said Felix. "Look at me." 

Dimitri's face had an expression of wonder. He'd worn that exact look the first time Felix had put the collar on him. _I am so grateful to have earned your trust again after all these years_ , he'd said, and Felix had been so flustered he hadn't let Dimitri speak again for the rest of the night. 

Felix fastened the chain with the key around his own neck. "How does it feel?" 

Dimitri took a deep breath as he stroked the collar. "Good. Like it's ... like everything's where it belongs." 

"Good. You can touch it and know that I'm thinking of you even when I'm not here." Dammit, now his eyes were watering. _Don't cry, Felix. You're not a child._ "Wear a high-collared shirt. Or don't. You're the king; fuck everyone else's opinion."

Felix climbed back onto the bed, gently took hold of the ring on the collar, and tugged Dimitri's face close. 

"I will take it off of you when I return. I will present you with the Emperor's head and then I will unlock your collar. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll leave it on you and everyone else can see the love and the pride I feel when you wear it for me." 

Dimitri smiled. "I wish we could live in such a world." 

Felix kissed Dimitri, hard, and then bit his lower lip until Dimitri whined and tried to pull away. "When this war is over, when we have put an end to this madness, I refuse to be beholden to any rules save yours. And I refuse to let _you_ be beholden to - to stupid ones." Tch, now he really was crying. "We are going to make the world we want to live in." 

Dimitri embraced him, pulling Felix's head onto his shoulder and holding him tightly while he shook. Dimitri was so warm. Felix's bedroll was going to be a cold, pale reflection of this sleeping arrangement. 

"You're right, Felix, of course. Let us build the future we want, together." 

There was quiet for a moment. Then Dimitri spoke again. "Felix ... if I told Rhea and the other lords and ladies to toss themselves in a river, that I would take a husband instead of a wife ... would you tolerate such an imposition from me?"

"Dimitri." 

"I - that is to say -"

"Dimitri, 'fool' is an insufficient word to describe you if you would expect any answer but yes." 

"Ah," Dimitri said, and tightened his arms around Felix. "I love you too."

###

Two weeks later, the few survivors returned with grim news - Arianrhod destroyed by some overwhelming, incomprehensible power. Felix not just slain, but butchered, the Ashen Demon himself singling Felix out to toy with. And no ability to recover the bodies. Dimitri took the news standing, silent. Two more Fraldarius men lay dead without even their armor to bring home.

Two weeks after that, Dimitri sat, weeping, as Dedue cut the collar off of him. It was just leather. He could have torn it himself, but he couldn't make himself break the connection. But he needed to don his plate again, and it wouldn't fit right with the collar on. He couldn't stand before Felix in the afterlife (if there was one) and tell him he'd died to an arrow slipped between his neck and shoulder. Felix would kill him a second time. He'd find a way. 

So Dimitri sat with tears running down his cheeks, tears he'd have to give up before he left the room so he could be the king his people needed, the unflappable Tempest King who would lead them to victory over the Adrestian forces. And Dedue apologized, quietly, as he severed Dimitri's last connection to Felix. 

Two days after _that_ , as they prepared to move out, some servant or advisor or _something_ tried to speak to him about plans for after. Dimitri wasn't even sure there was going to _be_ an after, but he let the man speak. 

Meetings to discuss the distribution of the Adrestian lands. Transitional government in Enbarr. Plans for a victory celebration, perhaps a festival of some sort with a ball? Many an eligible young lady looking to restart her life, Your Majesty. Once peacetime returns, wouldn't it be nice for the people to hear news of a royal engagement? 

Dimitri's laughter was so loud and so bitter that the man fled the scene.

**Author's Note:**

>  _and the violence, and the bitter laughter_  
>  I hear the refrain - it calls me too


End file.
